|Q: What's the definition of a nerd?A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?A: So they can park in the handicap zones.Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?A: Gifted.Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?A: You can almost hear them.Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?A: You can't!